


Chill Pill

by Pastelglitchesxx



Series: Flip Envy Into Ecstasy (Arrowverse Polycule AU) [8]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Killersnow, One Shot, Snowfrost - Freeform, and as always explicit language, frost and cait centric per usual, warning! brief suicidal thoughts and general self esteem issues plus emotional/mental child abuse, you can read it as friends if you want but also this is very hard to read as friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:51:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26630179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastelglitchesxx/pseuds/Pastelglitchesxx
Summary: “You’re not my mother.” Caitlin’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh, shit! I’m—I didn’t mean to, uh, fuck—I mean, shoot—I mean— fuck! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up my mom— uh, Carla. I know she’s a sore subject for you. I’m sorry.”With a shrug of their shoulders, Frost smiled. “Yeah, well… Carla’s a bitch anyways. Why should I give a shit what she thinks of me?”At the annoyed roll of Frost’s sparkling eyes, the scientist faltered.“Frost?” Caitlin bit her lip. “Do you…” she ventured, “... want to talk about it?”When there was no answer, Caitlin vouched further. “About my parents, I mean. Everything they did to you.”
Relationships: Caitlin Snow & Carla Tannhauser, Killer Frost & Carla Tannhauser, Killer Frost & Cisco Ramon, Killer Frost/Caitlin Snow, Ralph Dibny & Killer Frost
Series: Flip Envy Into Ecstasy (Arrowverse Polycule AU) [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2020049
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	Chill Pill

**Author's Note:**

> Hey sorry for the slow on fics! I have a lot of wips stirrin' up though so don't fret! And yes, most of it is either Killersnow or maybe,, just maybe.. a sequel to my Frost x Silverwire fic....... ANYWHO i've been procrastinating on finishing this since early May and I thought, what better time than like 4 am on a school night to finish it up? This was originally a way different fic, you would not recognize it next to its outline, so expect a similar but also woefully different fic soon enough! pretty much the only thing they'll both have in common is it's very Carla-centric (despite never actually showing Carla). Onward!

Caitlin scribbled on her whiteboard, whispering formulas to herself as she went. Her lab coat was fit on her sides, revealing the clothes she had worn yesterday. Her focus was directed at a new work in progress, something science-y Frost didn’t understand. Caitlin had a lot of science projects, and was always coming up with new ones. She would gape at Frost for not knowing the approximately equal number of Pi. Frost in turn would quiz her on the names of the girls in Pretty Little Liars. She would offer Caitlin the same sigh she gave Frost.

Nevermind Frost’s fear of labs. It didn’t bother Frost at all that most of Caitlin’s time was spent doing experiments. Tests on the metahuman genome. The same thing Thomas used to do. She totally didn’t automatically hear his voice calling out Caitlin’s name to _come down to the basement_ whenever Frost walked into the building. She didn’t stare at the dead equipment and hear it roar to life in her thoughts, her fingertips flaring with cold as she remembered the experiments Caitlin’s father did to her. It didn’t bother her at all.

_Honest._

She just didn’t understand it, so she didn’t like it all that much. But ever since Frost had come back from the dead, she just didn’t feel comfortable letting Caity forget that humans—even mutated ones—need food and sleep.

Chirping birds justled Frost awake. She shuttered from their vague inner world, seeking into Caitlin’s view. Forgetting sleep, she had spent the night at Star Labs. The pizza Barry had splurged on for Team Flash was long-since cold. Cisco and Ralph had probably eaten it all anyways.

Caitlin didn’t notice that she no longer had feeling in her non-prominent hand. A cold fist moved itself into her coat pocket.

Caitlin jumped when she heard Killer Frost’s voice echo out loud. _“Hey-o, Doc.”_

Frost took a piece of gum she’d hidden in Caitlin’s doctor outfit. Slipping off the wrapper, she slipped the blueberry-flavored candy into their mouth. _“You’ve been workin’ on this thing all night,”_ she frowned, boredly, taking loose control of their face to chew. _“Don’t you think you should give it a break, Red?”_

She drawled on the nickname, clicking with her tongue and blowing a bright blue bubble afterward. _“I’m callin’ it, Cait.”_ The wrapper fell, crumpled, on the ground. _“Bedtime. Now,”_ she flashed sarcastic jazz hands, before giving a pointed finger to the whiteboard reflection— _“missy.”_

Caitlin’s sheer surprise made the body rattle with laughter. She waved Frost off dismissively. “You’re not my mother.” She bit, her voice fond.

Frost suddenly went quiet, as if a switch had been flipped. Caitlin was surprised at how easily she’d given up the limelight. Inside, she could almost touch Frost’s emotions. _Surprise. Shock. Panic._ For some reason, she looked behind her, as if to confirm Frost hadn’t sprung into a new body. 

Caitlin’s eyes widened, her sentence echoing inside her head.

“Oh.” Caitlin froze. “Oh, shit! I’m—I didn’t mean to, uh, fuck—I mean, shoot—I mean— _fuck!”_

Caitlin shook her head. With a deep breath and a concerned gaze pointed at her own reflection, she fumbled with the right words to say. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up my mom— uh, Carla. I know she’s a sore subject for you. I’m sorry.”

Frost was quiet. Then, suddenly, the ice queen snickered. Caitlin looked down to find that her foot was tapping, much too anxiously to be under her control. Caitlin didn’t tap when she was uncomfortable; she bit her lip. Tapping, though, was something Frost did. 

With a shrug of their shoulders, Frost smiled. _“Yeah, well… Carla’s a bitch anyways. Why should I give a shit what she thinks of me?”_

The hand Frost had regained control of awkwardly stuffed itself into Caitlin’s pocket. _“But, hey. This ain’t ’bout your wicked birth mother, you insomniac dweeb. Tell me, Caity, how long can a human survive without sleep?”_

“The record time is 264 hours, which is 11 days, but you start to hallucinate on the fourth or third night.”

Frost blinked, her disinterested face hiding the fact that she found Caitlin’s infodumps endearing. She huffed their chin down with a blueing face, crossing their arms as her chest tightened. _“Fascinating, truly.”_

“But that’s not important!” Caitlin swung their hands back and forth in dismissal. “I drink eight cups of water a day, I eat healthy, I exercise—”

 _“I’m pretty sure I do most of the exercise. I_ am _the secret street vigilante in this relationship, after all.”_

“—so I’m fine. We’re _fine._ Physically, at least. I’ll fix my sleep schedule on my own, okay?”

At the annoyed roll of Frost’s sparkling eyes, the scientist faltered.

“Frost?” Caitlin bit her lip. She wondered if saying something was the best point of action. Caitlin spent a great deal of her time avoiding talks about feelings, internalized trauma and fickle self-esteem. She had trained herself to pretend it was all fine when they were just little girls, in fact. What would she say if this spiraled into awkward mush? She barely knew how to comfort _herself,_ much less a friend.

But Frost wasn’t just a friend, was she? She was so much more to Caitlin. That meant they had to trust each other, talk things through, and help carry the other’s burdens.

“Do you…” she ventured, “... want to talk about it?”

When there was no answer, Caitlin vouched further. “About my parents, I mean. Everything they did to you.”

After a few seconds, Caitlin reached out with her hands, almost as if to grasp her reflection. As if to hold Frost’s hand.

 _Nah._ Caitlin had never heard Frost sound so small. _What’s the good in that?_

Caitlin straightened up. Her arms were heaved at her sides again. “Maybe we should talk about that voicemail you deleted?”

...

_I’m good._

“She did offer to meet for coffee. We never told Carla that you’re the host now. This could be an opportunity for you to get to know her better. You could see that she’s… she’s not the monster you remember.”

Before Caitlin could finish the very word, Frost had already dragged their mouth into a scowl, which was rapidly becoming only hers. A blueberry-tinted bubble grew between those sapphire lips. The hatred was written on her paling face. Their pupils flashed an ice-cold hue.

Killer Frost popped her own bubble. _“How the fuck can you say that?”_ she hissed, with a desperate hint of amusement at the edge of her echo. _“She was_ terrible _to you, Caity.”_

Caitlin felt herself shudder in the backseat of their subconscious. A memory trickled into her thoughts. At her father’s funeral, a little Caitlin was sobbing and hiccuping over the sound of a speech being given by one of dad’s colleagues. Carla’s hand snatched her young daughter’s wrist, tugging harshly. She hushed her with a bitterness in her tone that made the child want to die. Her mother’s detached expression stung at her gut. Caitlin had wanted to disappear at that moment. Her ten-year-old self had imagined throwing her body off the roof of that church, if to just see her father again. 

She had forced the tears to stop falling. It had felt like there was something suffocating her insides. She had shoved it down until her eyes matched the same impatient glint in her mother’s, and ignored the faint, echoing scream her mind conjured.

It wasn’t a welcomed memory.

 _“She fucking abanonded you when you needed her the most,”_ fumed the cryomaniac, with the unforgiving fury of a thousand raging snowstorms. _“She buried herself in her work and then, once you finally fucking start talking again, after glorious years of nothing, she says it’s your—fucking—fault.”_ Her forced laughter came out sounding like the snarl of an animal, ready to bite down on its prey. _“That you, a fucking 10-year-old whose daddy just faked his death, didn’t give her enough hugs to_ make _her give a damn shit about you!”_

Frost sucked in a breath. _“I mean, fuck, babe!”_ she made herself lightly chuckle, before the annoyed frown returned. _“Carla doesn’t deserve you. She didn’t then, she fucking doesn’t now.”_

Frost’s glare turned to the ground, where she forced a raspy click of her tongue and grabbed Caitlin to the passenger seat.

Caitlin fumbled with her thoughts for a moment. “It’s… it’s not about who deserves what,” she argued. Flinching at her own words, she realized she didn’t even agree with that statement. “What I mean is—I love her. She’s trying to be better.” 

Frost didn’t believe that for a second. Carla made the person Frost had once died for feel as if she was worthless. Mothers weren’t supposed to add onto their childrens’ burdens. They were supposed to protect their kids and slowly prepare them for the problems they’d eventually have to face on their own. Instead, Carla punished Caitlin for being upset at her dad’s death. She made Caitlin want to die. She made Caitlin learn to repress. Caitlin’s parents fucked their own kid up so bad that Caitlin got DID just to cope. And now that Frost protected Cait instead of Carla, and did that job a hell of a lot better, Carla loathed Frost. 

_“So just because that she-demon is playing nice, you’re going to let her destroy everything?”_ Frost yelled. Her voice was quicker than her thought process. She rocked their head forward in anger, screaming at the ground, white specks shooting from her lips and catching in her whirling breath. Her chest felt like she was being suffocated. Her hands flew behind her, frostbite curling on white flesh. _“How fucking stupid are you, Caity?!”_

Her eyes snapped open. Her rasps of air were feral. Slowly, she collected her thoughts. The ice around her culled into droplets. She shifted her head to look at the whiteboard. 

She could feel Caitlin’s silent disappointment. The other woman bit her lip as Frost uncomfortably crossed her arms, her fingernails nervously digging into the skin. 

Caitlin sighed. “... I could say the same about you.”

_“... That’s different—”_

“Yeah,” Caitlin scoffed. “You did much more terrible things, if I remember correctly.”

_“Worse than child abuse?”_

“I was never hit.” Caitlin’s voice was so matter-of-fact. Like they were discussing genetic theories, not everything Carla did. It scared Frost. She hated how Caitlin had been brainwashed to just shut down, as if her emotions didn’t matter. Of _course_ Caitlin mattered. She’s the only thing that mattered. At least, to Frost she was.

_“You’re a doctor, Cait. You know that’s not the only way a kid can be hurt. Besides, I redeemed myself. Paid the price. I’ve helped save the world! Does that not matter anymore?”_

Caitlin snapped back when she heard the crack in Frost’s voice. “No, of course it does!” She rushed to Frost’s defense, despite having been the one to challenge her. “Thank you, for all of it. It means… a lot, you know. To the team, to the world… to _me.”_ Her breathing hitched. “B-But, what also matters, is that I _want_ to have a relationship with Carla.”

Frost’s guts knotted. _“I play host now, Red, and mommy-in-law dearest hates me.”_

“You don’t know that for sure,” the doctor denied.

Carla didn’t need to say it. It was obvious; the way she changed the subject whenever Frost came up, or how she was nowhere to be found if Caitlin wasn’t fronting. The faces that condensing elitist made at Frost’s clothes, her hair, her jokes, her voice, her _face_. Carla detested everything that made Killer Frost who she is. How couldn’t she hate her? What reason would Carla have for liking her anyways? Killer Frost was reformed, but Caitlin was right. She’d done so many things that she can never make up for. Of course Carla hated the she-villain who stole her daughter away.

Frost shrugged off the lab coat, throwing it on the lab chair. _“... I think it’s time for you to get some sleep, Caity. You can stay up in the headhouse for a while.”_ Their hair faltered to a frozen white. _“I’ll take care of the body while you’re gone.”_

Caitlin didn’t reply. Frost waited a few seconds, expecting something from her. A shrug or a begrudged ‘goodnight.’ Anything. Hell, Frost would have prayed for Caitlin to just make a simple, little noise of a goodbye. 

She felt Caitlin fall to the edges of their co-consciousness. Slowly, Caitlin stepped back and was inevitably swept away.

Frost sighed through her nose, her shoulders slouching. _“... Sweet dreams.”_ She moaned, weakly, to the empty lab.

She flinched when she heard the sound of footsteps. Frost turned, her gum’s bubble protruding from a dangerous scowl. Her hands raised, Killer Frost felt that familiar feeling in her gut where she was just itching to ice someone. Her body urged for a fight to breakout, if only to give Frost an excuse to create a flurry of snow. Tiny shards of ice zapped at her fingertips, impatient to spring.

“Dude, seriously. You’re being catfished,” said a familiar voice. “Again.” 

The fight-ready woman groaned, letting the ice melt. She breathed in and tried to kill the destructive impulse.

“I am not!” Ralph lied. “She’s the real deal.”

The pair walked into the lab, with Cisco waving a hand to Frost, his other fastened around a steaming paper cup of coffee.

He noticed the whiteboard behind her. “Cait pull an all-nighter again?”

_“Doesn’t she always?”_

“That woman needs to get laid,” snided Ralph, taking a sip of his hot cocoa, which Caitlin would have pointed out was ninety percent cream. He hadn’t yet received the talk about how sex doesn’t actually solve a woman’s emotional problems. In other words, the man—if you could call him that—was still a slob. Slowly but surely, Ralph Dibny was becoming a more educated and respectful teamplayer, but it was a long haul.

Luckily, Ralph and Frost get along like a house in a whirlwind. Cocking an eyebrow at the white-haired heroine, the idiot smirked. “But I guess you have enough _friends_ for the both of you, huh?”

He went to suck from his bendy straw, but it growled like the liquid had disappeared. He tried to move it out of place with his mouth, but it was frozen between his coffee-turned-popsicle. 

Cisco laughed. _“Ohhhh!_ You just got _frosted!”_ He went to high-five Frost, but she pushed past him. 

Her arms crossed, she raised her chin. “Don’t bad-mouth Caity,” Killer Frost barked. The raw glint of her eyes left no room for discussion. She stomped out of Caitlin’s lab, spitting the gum in Ralph’s face. Her fingertips tapped angrily on her elbows as she ambled through the building’s center room. As soon as she was away from confused eyes, hidden safely from the hallway’s turn, Frost pushed her back against the hallway walls. The lukewarm sensation only reminded her of Caitlin, the critical warmth to Frost’s frenzy doom-and-gloom. She sighed and crumbled to her knees, hiding half her face behind her legs.

 _Don’t think about it._ Frost fumed. _So what Carla wants to see us? Why does Caitlin not saying bye have to mean something? It doesn’t. None of this does!_

The beat on her elbows went quicker.

_Don’t think about it._

Her foot knocked on the cold floor.

_It doesn’t mean anything._

…

_Why didn’t she say goodnight?_

Frost thumped her skull on the wall. 

_Fucking christ, Caity, how are you the only person who can do this to me?_

Why didn’t Caitlin understand that Frost was just trying to protect her? Carla wasn’t good for her. She never was. She only wanted Caitlin now because she was a _hero._ Not the punch-the-lights-out-of-morons type, but one with a good brain on her shoulders. Caitlin had had an unknowing hand in creating metahumans _and_ she’d manifested a fix. Metahumans were dangerously under researched, but with even the little to no information at Cait’s disposal, _she made a fucking cure._ Dr. Caitlin Snow was a fucking genius! Frost often wondered why the fuck Caity hadn’t been handed a gold medal yet. Or at least why she wasn’t regarded as the brightest mind in a century. Still, she made a quiet name for herself. That alleviates Carla’s status. That fucking _slutwaffle_ just wanted to use Caitlin, to take credit for everything Caity had done. Caitlin Snow gave so much to her discoveries, and Carla wanted to take it all for her own. Frost wouldn’t have it. She couldn’t let that happen. She had to protect her girl.

Carla was a monster. She had to be stopped from worming into Caitlin’s good graces again. _That’s_ why Frost deleted the voicemails the witch left, the texts she sent. Killer Frost couldn’t allow her to hurt them again. 

_I can’t let her hurt_ Caity _again,_ she corrected with a flinch. Her eyes went wide, her face rising from her knees. _“I don’t even fucking know her,”_ she hissed breathlessly, _“how the fuck could she hurt_ me?” Her head fell back into her lap. 

_“... My stupid feelings don’t matter. I don’t matter to her.”_

_You probably don’t matter to Caity anymore, either._ She thought. And Frost could live with that. If they never saw Carla again.

If _Caitlin_ never saw Carla again.

“Heyo, White Walker?” Cisco called. Slow footsteps echoed near her. Frost groaned in response, her head again heaving up in annoyance. 

Cisco walked up to her, his hand holding onto the turn tightly. Awkwardness was written on his face. His eyes sputtered around wildly, trying to figure out what to do with the pouting snow-woman slumped in front of him.

 _“What?”_ Frost grunted angrily. Lightning bustled on her fingers. 

Cisco weirdly jerked, as if to make sure that Frost wasn’t going to ice him like Ralph’s coffee. He pulled his upright arm to his side. He stepped to back the wall. And then he slouched to Frost’s level. His legs parted and his hands cupped clumsily between his shoes.

Frost didn’t move her head to look at him. _“Yes, Vibeboy?”_

“Are you, ummm... okay?” Cisco asked, his eyes darting from her hands to the floor to her foot to the ceiling until he could finally look into her eyes. “We can talk about it if you wanna—” 

_“Why the fuck does everyone wanna fucking talk all of a sudden? Just mind your fucking business!”_ Frost ranted, and with a snarl directed to spit at Cisco, her fist swung to smash into the wall beside her. _“I’m_ fine!” 

As the two stared at the leaking hole Frost had ripped, Cisco took a moment to appreciate her panicked attempt at covering it up with ice. 

Cisco blinked. “Yeah, you’re… very clearly _not_ fine.”

 _“Well fuck you too!”_ Frost’s forehead hit the top of her knees. 

Not knowing what else to do, Cisco awkwardly riffed. “So, uh, is this about the voicemails you deleted?”

 _“... You know?”_ Frost writhed. _“She talked to you before me?”_

Cisco shrugged his shoulders. “I’m Caitlin’s best friend.”

_“I share a fucking body with her!”_

“Maybe she came to me because she knew I wouldn’t scream at her for wanting to hang out with her mom.” 

_“‘Hang out’?”_ Frost gaped at him. Sudden winds ruffled her hair. “You _don’t get it, Cisco._ You _weren’t there, you don’t_ remember _._ ” Her hands tightened around herself. _“Neither does Caitlin. But I remember. It’s my_ purpose _to remember. It’s my reason for existing. Are you too fucking_ stupid _to get that? I’m supposed to protect her!”_

“You weren’t supposed to almost destroy the world,” Cisco argued, “but you did that! You weren’t supposed to get ice powers. And you weren’t even supposed to exist, but you do. You’re not just Caitlin’s protector, Frost—” 

_“I_ know _that!”_ Frost cried. _“I know I’m my own person, dumbass! I can do whatever the fuck I please, I get it! Caitlin tells me all the time, promise! But I-I need to protect her, I want to, she’s— she’s…”_

Her tears froze on her face. He waited.

 _“It’s_ Caitlin,” she hiccuped, and crumbled into herself.

“Oh, white walker.” Cisco rustled in his place. “... You weren’t supposed to love her, either.” He put his arm over her and pulled her closer. “That wasn’t in your job description. You were just supposed to defend her, in the only way you knew how. Everything you did… it was selfish, but… weirdly selfless at the same time.”

 _“... Ya think so, Vibeboy?”_

“I don’t know, I’m not a marriage counselor.” He joked with a smirk. It got him a small, if not forced, chuckle. 

“You do need to clear this up with Caitlin, though.” He stood up and ruffled her hair. She stuck her tongue out with a crackle of her abilities, kicking at him.

He jumped away quickly. He was always so easy to fuck with. 

Cisco laughed. “Just, you know, be considerate! The both of you.”

Footsteps echoed in the halls. They heard the ping of Iris’ phone. She was usually on her phone, sketching drabbles or keeping up with everything going on outside Central City, superhero-wise. Cisco waved to her when they came up. Barry immediately gave him a quick sideways-hug, and with his arm over him, Barry swept Cisco into the big room.

Frost looked away as they passed.

“And get some sleep!” Cisco yelled over his shoulder.

Iris glanced at her. “Oh, I second that.” She raised her phone and took a picture of the damage Frost had done to the wall. 

“Third it,” Barry awkwardly chuckled. Kindly, he set his coffee on the ground next to her feet. “We can… probably fix that, don’t worry, Frostie.” 

_“I wasn’t.”_ She chugged it down quickly, before her cold touch automatically froze it.

“... Okay,” he grinned brightly, always trying to keep the peace. “Well, good morning, Frostie.”

Iris tried to wave, but she pretty much just shook her phone in greeting. “Yeah, mornin’, Frost.” 

_“Good morning to you, too,”_ Frost smirked at Barry, _“Rissy.”_

“Ha!” Ralph yelled from inside. “She likes Iris more than you!” 

Iris held her husband’s hand. “They’re joking.” 

_“I’m not.”_

“I was simply making an observation.”

Iris dragged him away, shouting threats at Ralph. Barry stumbled forward, a frown caught on his face. It made Frost laugh to herself. Stretchy loved stirring the pot, almost more than Frost. Screwing with Barry was something they bonded over. That’s probably why they were even friends. 

This team… they were family to Caitlin. Frost knew that first-hand. And, Frost supposed, they meant something to her, too. 

_What if Carla ruined it all?_

What if she swept Caitlin away, criticizing her life until she broke and burned the bridges of the people she loved so much? Caitlin was headstrong, but… but this was her _mother._ Carla had a knack for ruining everything and she knew just how to press Caity’s buttons. What if she turned Caitlin against the work she adored, the friends she risked her life for? What if she trapped Caitlin in herself, just like when they were kids? What if she did all this, and Caitlin never even got a smile out of her?

...

What if Carla turned Caitlin against Frost? 

_Is that what you’re afraid of?_

Frost flinched at Caitlin’s voice in their head. 

She sit in wonder for a moment, until she finally let out a shaky breath. “No,” she confessed, weakly. Her voice was breaking quicker than Caitlin anticipated. She was shaking violently. Caitlin knew emotional honesty wasn’t Frost’s strongpoint, but _this_... she was nearly in tears.

Frost shivered as Caitlin drew her conclusion. “... What if she got me to take the cure?” 

Frost turned to look at her poor snowy reconstruction of the broken wall. In the reflection, she thought she saw Caitlin staring back at her. With a silent sob, Frost tried to nod her head. _“Who would protect you then?”_

Caitlin stared back in shock. “I-I can protect myself, Frost.” 

_“I know you can, but— but Carla knows how to manipulate you, Caity! Who would show you she’s playing you?”_

_“You_ would, dummy, because I would _never_ take the fucking cure!”

 _“Caitlin!”_ Frost panted, slightly jerking her fingertips towards the snow, almost as if to grasp her reflection. As if to hold Caitlin’s hand. _“... You just said fuck.”_ Frost smirked in awe.

“Ah— shit— I mean— fuck— I mean— shoot— frick!” Caitlin cupped their mouth. Blushing, her hands fell when she heard Frost. The mean ice-meta was laughing, in their head. She had conceded control in favor of bellowing out in the driver seat. Her lips perked in a small smile, soft but kind. Her just-for-Caity smile.

The sadness wasn’t gone from her composure. She tried to breathe slower, in an effort to stop the tears. Frost took a deep breath, and looked back at Caitlin.

 _Fuck Carla’s rules._ Frost told her. _You’re a big girl now, Red._

Caitlin blinked. She had forgotten Carla’s rules. She didn’t even hesitate not to swear, but she didn’t remember that it was Carla who instilled it in her. Her mom always said that a true professional didn’t cuss. Despite how she policed this rule on Caitlin religiously, Carla… never held herself to the same regime.

Caitlin didn’t like to think about it, so she just… didn’t. She was so mastered at denial and repression that she didn’t even do it consciously anymore. It was just her response to trauma, or emotion, or… everything, really. Shut off your pesky little feelings, and look at things logically. _Don’t let anyone get the better of you, Caitlin. Asking for help makes you weak, Caitlin. How can anyone in our field expect to hold you to the same regards as a man if you allow yourself to feel? To dream and want and to love? Love is a lie. Desires are made to be unfilled. Dreams are unrealistic. Everything and everyone in your life will disappoint you, Caitlin; so don’t look forward to middle school, sweetie._

Maybe… maybe Killer Frost had a good reason to hate Carla.

So why did Caitlin still want her approval so bad? Was wanting to see her simply a relapse and Caitlin’s conclusion was blurred by her purely rational approach? _Carla had never hit her, therefore she hadn’t been abusive, and thus it shouldn’t be a problem to see her again._ But abuse was not only a physical thing. In all forms, abuse was emotional. It went against Caitlin’s protocol to consider emotion in any given situation. She didn’t allow herself to date Ronnie because she had a crush on him, she had to convince herself it was because he would be a good mate. She didn’t even want kids. Neither did Ronnie, but Caitlin couldn’t just be happy. She had to construct a whole five-year plan around it first.

Would it be enough for Carla to acknowledge all the wrong ways she raised her daughter?

“Would anything be enough to make up for it?”

Frost wasn’t as smart as Caitlin, so she wasn’t well-versed in the variables. But she considered it for a moment. And then the woman shrugged, sadly. _“I... don’t know, doc.”_

“... Is it really so bad that I want her to at least _try?”_

 _“Honestly?”_ Frost sighed. _“Sometimes I wish Thomas was still around, y’know, to try. I think— I think it would help my whole, uh… deal, I guess. Is… it that why you have to see Carla?”_

“Yeah,” Caitlin nodded. Relief finally lifted the pressure from their shoulders. “I think it is.”

Their foot tapped awkwardly on the ground. _“Yeah well… I’m, um, sorry I didn’t understand that, Caity. I should’ve, really. I just… hate the thought of her hurting you, y’know?”_

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to see it through your point of view. I just hate the thought of everything they did to you.” 

Frost looked down, uncomfortable at the abrupt seriousness of it all. _“I, uh— I guess we both hate thoughts a lot then, huh?”_

Caitlin sputtered in surprise laughter. “Yeah,” she agreed with a hasty smile. “I guess we do.”

 _“We have so much in common,”_ Frost gave a chuckle, “maybe a date’s in order.”

“I have a husband.” Caitlin said. “Though, he did die six years ago.”

_“My kind’a lady.”_

“Why, thank you,” Caitlin nodded. The two broke out in blush, giggling amongst themselves like schoolgirls. They wondered what it would have been like if they were always aware of the other. So many lonely nights could have been cured. Caitlin tried to picture Frost in high school… she would have probably been a punkish theatre kid. The thought made her happy. With it in mind, they realized they had gotten used to this life, but strangely… neither bored of it. The team was their family, and Frost was the shadowed yin to Cait’s passionate yang. Independent, they were both powerful. Together, the other was fueled by their love.

They were like fire and ice.

The alarm blared in the big room. Barry ran to them, flashing a big smile. “I hope that coffee woke you guys up, ‘cause we’ve got a 2-1-1!” 

Frost glared up at him. _“Which i—?”_

“—s a robbery,” Caitlin finished.

“Correct.” Iris walked up behind Barry, with the rest of the team in tow. 

Ralph snickered. “You ladies done with your cat fight?”

Iris smacked the Elongated Man on the back of his head, Barry giving him a disappointed glare. Cisco ignored them, offering a hand. “Are you two ready for this?”

Frost took hold and stretched up. _“What’d you say, Caity? Think we can, uh, y’know... pull it off?”_

Caitlin breathed, slipping out of the driver seat. _I think we can do anything._

With a twinkle of her eyes, Frost ran to get her suit on. “Oh, and, uh, Cisco?” She turned to him quickly. “Could you, um, remind me to call Carla when we get back ‘n… s-stuff?”

Cisco’s smile was nothing compared to the one she felt on Caitlin.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my other fics for more Killersnow stuff! Sorry, I'm way too tired to fill in the tabs. Do y'all prefer tabs or like it better without? lemme know if you like this format more


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